Thursday, March 09, 2006
the break up
i wanna hold your hand at 6:55 PM0 audiences watched us take the first step
on the 090306 (yesterday)... after work... 10pm... as usual extremely tired after a whole day of school and had to go to work.. wad kinda slack our way back to ah meng's house... halfway he said he was hungry so we went to the coffeeshop to buy some food... when we walked out of the coffeeshop.. he came out of frustration and ask me..
meng: "is it very tired to be with me?"
me: "no! i ws jus tired after school and had to work? it's been going on everyday in my life since i started school"
meng: "nevermind we go back to ur hus"
- we walked across the back carpark towards my hus.. he suddenly stopped.he said he is very tired and wanted to take a sit by the carpark... we sat in the middle part of the carpark.. we tok....
meng: "i realise my life is so pathetic... i dunno wad i do to make things right.. i tried my best to change myself... can we dont quarrel all the time?"
me: "all things doesnt starts from me? u r the one who is always so posessive, u lways start it all... today morning is a very good example... i choose to have breakfast with u and i told u to wait for me at the shop.. before i could reach the shop.. u scolded for not knowing u r standing outside my hus... how am i supposed to know whennu jus stand outside and not call for mi... ?"
meng: " nevermind.. "
he throw the food across the road...
me: "wad have u promise mi.... u never will throw ur frustration on me.. but now.."
meng" i'm not throwing at u.. but myself... i hate myself,... "
meng:"u also ... everything i call u... u will onli say 'orh' 'ok' 'ya'... u treat mi like an idoit... u dun care how i feel.. today i called u... u sound so pissed when i called u then u sound so in a hurry..."
me: " i told u i'm going to class.. but u insist not to put dwn the phone... then u angry with me... wad am i supposed to do"
meng: "is not the first time... after the break up in parkway.. u promise u will give me chance to change,.. but u never....... all the thing u promised to me were all lies...."
me: " i told u i hate to study and afraid if i didnt hears ur phone.. n u would scold me.. n when i stress i cant study... and at parkway u force mi to agree... i have no choice"
me: " i like a toy to u... i dun have freedom.. i dun wan a choice of mine... i cannot choose the path i wan to go.. i can onli be dragged away by u... "
meng: " no! (started shouting) i not playing u or treting u like a toy... i jus dun wan ppl to bully u"
me: " but when i am with u i'm not happy! would u rather see me happy then not"
meng: : " why.. why.. why.. because i throw temper at u..?"
meng: " u always wans to break with me... u always think abt my bad... u treat mi like u treat chee hau... u jus like ur mother..."
me: " anything u say....afterall that i said also no use.. u r jus not to let go of mi.. i'm jus like dog to follow through ur command... i hate my life... u r jus like forcing me to die cause the onli choice i can mke for myself is die "
meng: " pls dont leave me alone... i really love u... please..."
me: " meng.. i cannot go on like that..."
meng: " i know i now got no money go and find rich guy.. go go..." (pushed my bag)
me: " i never wan think of u as a rich boy.. i never takes to ur money... when i borrowed u and i returned... from the beginning of the relationship i stated clearly.. "
- he snatched my bag and took out my knife.. he pointed to his wrist.. and started crying... he said" sorry"
he attempt to kill himself... i snatch the knife way from him and almost cut my palm.. out of the sudden he pulled me.. and i ask where he wan to bring mi to.. he said " we go jump down together " he dragged mi and i scratched my leg and hand.. after he ran away.. i told him i'm gonna call his mother.... but then i realise that i dun have his mum's no... not long he came back and ask me not to call.. then he say even if i call his mum she wont come also.. he gave me the no. and i called... unexpected his mum says that she is too lazy to come down... even when i say his son wans to die.. she says nothing... i hung up...
me: " the O2 money i will return u... "
meng: "(angrily) NO NEED!! I THROW ONE.. I PAY!! OKAY!! WE BREAK!!"
Then i walked away... then he shout again and ask me to stop.. he stop me.. and started crying in front of me... asking me not to leave....
then i keep explaining to him... he pulled mi to the place where we first break-up.... and started crying badly.. he keep asking me not to leave by then it was already 12.40... i told him that " i believe that he is old enough to make decision,.. so i left him.. and walked back home... i change my clothes and lie on the bed... jus abt to close my eyes.. ah meng called mi from the door... i shocked and walk up.. he ask me to accompany him tok at the staircase.. i agreed.. he keep repeating those things that had happen before.. and he broke into tears again.. after that i went to sleep.. but the whole night i didnt sleep well.. today morning he came and fetch mi to school.. now i'm in class... so that is all for the day... i hope he will be well soon....
meng: "is it very tired to be with me?"
me: "no! i ws jus tired after school and had to work? it's been going on everyday in my life since i started school"
meng: "nevermind we go back to ur hus"
- we walked across the back carpark towards my hus.. he suddenly stopped.he said he is very tired and wanted to take a sit by the carpark... we sat in the middle part of the carpark.. we tok....
meng: "i realise my life is so pathetic... i dunno wad i do to make things right.. i tried my best to change myself... can we dont quarrel all the time?"
me: "all things doesnt starts from me? u r the one who is always so posessive, u lways start it all... today morning is a very good example... i choose to have breakfast with u and i told u to wait for me at the shop.. before i could reach the shop.. u scolded for not knowing u r standing outside my hus... how am i supposed to know whennu jus stand outside and not call for mi... ?"
meng: " nevermind.. "
he throw the food across the road...
me: "wad have u promise mi.... u never will throw ur frustration on me.. but now.."
meng" i'm not throwing at u.. but myself... i hate myself,... "
meng:"u also ... everything i call u... u will onli say 'orh' 'ok' 'ya'... u treat mi like an idoit... u dun care how i feel.. today i called u... u sound so pissed when i called u then u sound so in a hurry..."
me: " i told u i'm going to class.. but u insist not to put dwn the phone... then u angry with me... wad am i supposed to do"
meng: "is not the first time... after the break up in parkway.. u promise u will give me chance to change,.. but u never....... all the thing u promised to me were all lies...."
me: " i told u i hate to study and afraid if i didnt hears ur phone.. n u would scold me.. n when i stress i cant study... and at parkway u force mi to agree... i have no choice"
me: " i like a toy to u... i dun have freedom.. i dun wan a choice of mine... i cannot choose the path i wan to go.. i can onli be dragged away by u... "
meng: " no! (started shouting) i not playing u or treting u like a toy... i jus dun wan ppl to bully u"
me: " but when i am with u i'm not happy! would u rather see me happy then not"
meng: : " why.. why.. why.. because i throw temper at u..?"
meng: " u always wans to break with me... u always think abt my bad... u treat mi like u treat chee hau... u jus like ur mother..."
me: " anything u say....afterall that i said also no use.. u r jus not to let go of mi.. i'm jus like dog to follow through ur command... i hate my life... u r jus like forcing me to die cause the onli choice i can mke for myself is die "
meng: " pls dont leave me alone... i really love u... please..."
me: " meng.. i cannot go on like that..."
meng: " i know i now got no money go and find rich guy.. go go..." (pushed my bag)
me: " i never wan think of u as a rich boy.. i never takes to ur money... when i borrowed u and i returned... from the beginning of the relationship i stated clearly.. "
- he snatched my bag and took out my knife.. he pointed to his wrist.. and started crying... he said" sorry"
he attempt to kill himself... i snatch the knife way from him and almost cut my palm.. out of the sudden he pulled me.. and i ask where he wan to bring mi to.. he said " we go jump down together " he dragged mi and i scratched my leg and hand.. after he ran away.. i told him i'm gonna call his mother.... but then i realise that i dun have his mum's no... not long he came back and ask me not to call.. then he say even if i call his mum she wont come also.. he gave me the no. and i called... unexpected his mum says that she is too lazy to come down... even when i say his son wans to die.. she says nothing... i hung up...
me: " the O2 money i will return u... "
meng: "(angrily) NO NEED!! I THROW ONE.. I PAY!! OKAY!! WE BREAK!!"
Then i walked away... then he shout again and ask me to stop.. he stop me.. and started crying in front of me... asking me not to leave....
then i keep explaining to him... he pulled mi to the place where we first break-up.... and started crying badly.. he keep asking me not to leave by then it was already 12.40... i told him that " i believe that he is old enough to make decision,.. so i left him.. and walked back home... i change my clothes and lie on the bed... jus abt to close my eyes.. ah meng called mi from the door... i shocked and walk up.. he ask me to accompany him tok at the staircase.. i agreed.. he keep repeating those things that had happen before.. and he broke into tears again.. after that i went to sleep.. but the whole night i didnt sleep well.. today morning he came and fetch mi to school.. now i'm in class... so that is all for the day... i hope he will be well soon....
love meowmeow