Friday, October 16, 2009
i hate it
i wanna hold your hand at 6:57 AM0 audiences watched us take the first step
i going to have enough. i have enough of feeling that in him there is still her.. i hate it!! i dunno how long i can carry on like this..
Monday, October 12, 2009
i finally go through my Operation today
i wanna hold your hand at 10:10 AM0 audiences watched us take the first step
extremely stressful day... on my way to the hospital, my legs turn wobbly.. guess i am to nervous... reached the surgery clinic with dar.. when my turn has come.. i have to go in with a indian nurse that i tried hard to understand every word that comes out of her mouth.. goodness.. i was asked to change to the robe. and i was brought up to level 2.. i was asked to lied down on a bed and the doc and nurses were helping me to pluck water bags to ease my hydration... and is a real painful session.. the nurse couldnt find a suitable veins... and she plucked it in.. my tears started rolling down... and it was unsuccessful, the doc came to re pluck the needle.. second time that i have to go thru this pain.. not long later i was pushed to the operation theatre.. seeing myself under 2 big lights, 6 to 8 nurses surrounded me... i couldnt stop shivering..the room was cold that my feets lay still... i saw the bed with 2 rest support for leg, i almost burst out of tears.. i was trying hard to control my emotion of fear.. the nurses and doc were struggling giving me oxygen.. as there are some machinery faults... before the operation start.. i was asked to breath in the oxygen with med that put me to sleep within mins... i was totally knocked out... the next moment when i wake up, it was 2 hours later.. i found myself in another place.. and my whole body was weak and strenghtless.. i couldnt control my movement.. everything was numb.. the moment i woke up i started to tear.. dun ask me i dunno y.. i couldnt even talk.. i was den transfered to another room.. and a very nice nurse came check up on me and offered to give me some water... she fed me with straw and keeps my lip moist... and i continue to rest.. not long later i was feeling much better and i requested to see dar.. the moment i woke up... i wanted to see was him.. the nurse ask me to change and brought me to see him.. the moment i see him... i burst out in tears... i felt secure in his arm... he helped me to get my medication and took me back... we went for haircut before we get home.. it was raining heavily and dar hugged me and sheltered me while looking for cab. it was cold and dar dried my hand and leg with his hankerchef. and when i am back i was totally knocked out until 7 plus.. my dizziness is still there... but as long as i dun do too active stuff i should be fine... i guess i getting tired now.. got to sleep .. i love u dar
Thursday, October 08, 2009
I'm Backed!!
i wanna hold your hand at 10:32 AM0 audiences watched us take the first step
i guess this blog should be deserted by now... which would be another place for my hideout.. things are going well for me... the only one thing that is bothering me will be my operation on the 12th. i dunno how to explain the messed up feeling i have.. and i cant deny i am scared.. i couldn't believe i got to face this.. and i really hate that feeling.. and recently i am worried about my granny.. heard that she is going for an heart operation soon.. i dunno how to show my concern to her.. cause we will end up arguing.. these few days i will find time to go visit her.. all the multi stress i have is laying marks on my face.. i need to stay calm.. i have to stay strong.. Stay brave!
rena
Monday, April 23, 2007
tiring DAY!!!
i wanna hold your hand at 7:52 AM0 audiences watched us take the first step
wow wow wow wow..
2 days din slp really going to make myself a china treasure *panda*...
haha.. last night manage to get to mel hus.. veyr tired.. in the end din really catch much slp.. we were toking and toking and toking until 4.30 lo.. haha. this morning got to wake up at 7.15am to get ready to work in the end le still take cab... hahahaha... almost fell asleep during work... after work zhi hao came to find me we had dinner together then slacked ard.. until 9pm.... i headed back to mel hus.. cause i want to sleep early tonight.. keke.. no more late nightz.. 10 eye cream also cannot cure the eye bag i am going to have now.... haha.. nothing special today jus bored.. anyway birthday is comin.. dun wan to stress myself up.. jus wan to happily enjoy my 19th birthday!!! *yeah* i am glad i have so many frens celebrating for me... *cool*... that is abt it show u some of the phto i took... *i loveit*
Sunday, April 22, 2007
i found out something that i knw i will not be able to accept.. but anyway the RENA now is fresh again. so let it be... lixian also deleted mylink to her as fren.. i dunno why she do that... feel like smsing her but nvm.. let it be... as long as i know i never hurt her before and i always wan to maintain this frenship.. i tried my best in all that i could...
these weeks i din have a smooth sail... alot of things happen.. dun wish to go too far.... the day before yeaterday went out w micole to chillz bar.. drank from 8 to 5am.. insane.. 2 of us drunk le la.. hahaha.. that night andy din slp.. he smses me throughout and called me when i din reply. i tink this time his phone bill going to go w flying colours...
yesterday i was surppose to move out.. was a bad day as i couldnt find anywhere to go.. in the end i went to mckenzie hostel... bad experience.. when i reached the hostel was already 12am plus.. kinda freaked out as it was so unexpectable.. over there were all guys.. blackz, china, chinese, indian, blangadesh.. when i was checking in... there is a black toking to me and stuff, i ignore... the place really very ooo looo.. like tear down building... even the reception table was many many year old.. i went to the rm i was given and one of the black followed me.. i was freak out.. and i hide in my rm the whole night.. when i was about to bath i realise it was a shared toilet and was indeed dirty and the toilet and bathrm is link with open air celing... as a ger i wont deny i am scared.. although i am not pretty but still scared lo.. so in the end i hide in my room the whole night.. actualli i was alittle down sad but i also dunno why until 1 am i started crying.. feels like someone trying to open my rm door... i tink too much.. and i not used to slp alone.. so i jus keep crying and crying... until 2 plus.. i called andy and comfide to.. really struggling.... the place is total terrifying.. is like worst then army.. not a proper blanket and stuff.. and was very cold.. i have no choice but to use my towel to cover myself.. i cant slp.. jus keep crying.. i din dare to go to the toilet until the sun rise.. today i know i cant stay there anymore the more i stay the more i more freak out.. so now i move to my gd fren melissa hus.. lucky got justin help me move my things if not i dun think i can carry so many things by myself.. now already 2.36am... none of us in the hus is asleep.. haha.. so now i am safe and sound.. i really got to catch some sleep.. nite..
these weeks i din have a smooth sail... alot of things happen.. dun wish to go too far.... the day before yeaterday went out w micole to chillz bar.. drank from 8 to 5am.. insane.. 2 of us drunk le la.. hahaha.. that night andy din slp.. he smses me throughout and called me when i din reply. i tink this time his phone bill going to go w flying colours...
yesterday i was surppose to move out.. was a bad day as i couldnt find anywhere to go.. in the end i went to mckenzie hostel... bad experience.. when i reached the hostel was already 12am plus.. kinda freaked out as it was so unexpectable.. over there were all guys.. blackz, china, chinese, indian, blangadesh.. when i was checking in... there is a black toking to me and stuff, i ignore... the place really very ooo looo.. like tear down building... even the reception table was many many year old.. i went to the rm i was given and one of the black followed me.. i was freak out.. and i hide in my rm the whole night.. when i was about to bath i realise it was a shared toilet and was indeed dirty and the toilet and bathrm is link with open air celing... as a ger i wont deny i am scared.. although i am not pretty but still scared lo.. so in the end i hide in my room the whole night.. actualli i was alittle down sad but i also dunno why until 1 am i started crying.. feels like someone trying to open my rm door... i tink too much.. and i not used to slp alone.. so i jus keep crying and crying... until 2 plus.. i called andy and comfide to.. really struggling.... the place is total terrifying.. is like worst then army.. not a proper blanket and stuff.. and was very cold.. i have no choice but to use my towel to cover myself.. i cant slp.. jus keep crying.. i din dare to go to the toilet until the sun rise.. today i know i cant stay there anymore the more i stay the more i more freak out.. so now i move to my gd fren melissa hus.. lucky got justin help me move my things if not i dun think i can carry so many things by myself.. now already 2.36am... none of us in the hus is asleep.. haha.. so now i am safe and sound.. i really got to catch some sleep.. nite..
Monday, April 16, 2007
.. maybe that's LIFE..
i wanna hold your hand at 10:00 AM0 audiences watched us take the first step
tracked back past few days wad i have been doing.... when watching mid night show w zhihao at vivo.. "shooter".. nice but kinda disgusting due to explosion of body parts... oh man.. then he taught me how to drive lorry.. haha.. so happy.. the next day work again.. was kinda upset due to certain stuff so went drinking w micole and frenz.. andy called me and tell me abt his breaking off w lixian, saying he wished i could give him a chance and stuff.. i'm pretty confused.. but i have to get clear my mind.. today super tired, work full day.. mornin clinique night paramount hotel.. basically super exhausted tml have to work sk moning and paramount night.. so have to rest early.. probably update a bit of picy... 
Monday, April 09, 2007
RELIEF ME!!
i wanna hold your hand at 9:47 AM0 audiences watched us take the first step
emily is me!
nothing to hide no more.'
i called lily=lixian
i talk to her. i ask her " i guess u have already know that i know abt u and andy(eddie)" she say ya.. i told her "although i duno why is all this happening. but since it happen. there is nothing i can do, i jus hope that we can tok things out cause i dun wan to see us like that because of him. i dun wan to see us working together but feel so awkward seeing one another. cause we have to work together in future." i ask her " do u love andy?" she replied " ok la, actually i was jus playing him in the begining becoz he is a bad guy.. and also i wan to get over my ex" i was shocked. i was thinking maybe she said that to make me feel better. but is not working anyway. " i told her, dun scare me with this ans, cause i told andy dun hurt u and i also dun wish u to hurt him too.. anyway i am not here to stop ur relationship w him, jus wan to make sure we have sort thing between u and me cause i have always wanted to work w u that is y i convert to full time. so wadever that had happen i will still send my blessing to u both" she say she kinda feel bad, but now she is happy now. i glad she is now. and i hope things will work well for her, i also tell her abt i found out andy likes her very much.. she ponder but she will understand one day.. cause i see alot of chnges in andy. i told lixian." if he is willin to change for u, and if one day he decide to settle down. he will be a great husband cause he will know how to protect his love ones and i decide to change no so believed she also doesnt wan me to contac andy, so we have decide to keep this among ourselves. i know this is a hard time for me. cause i know whenever i am upset and even tears, maybe they are hugging and kissing happily. so i tell myself i dun wan to tears for this. jus accept the facts and move on. although i always say i will move on.. it's hard for me. cause andy is the who make me dare to love again. after work i went drinking w vivian again. we din drink alot only one jug but is more like singing n stuff.. so beside all this a guy actualli offered me a game of pool. so we played. actually he wanted to sing me a song but it will be too late. so i left.. sumtimes i think abt this relationship. i asked myself. " all my frens ask me to let go and move on, cause i will find a better guy. " but will i get the best endin 4 myself? or shd i jus follow my heart. too late anyway.. too late to turn back. everything is gone.. i guess i wont call him anymore.. maybe no contaction w him, i might get over faster.. i am jus afraid the day if i work w lixian and andy came to fetch her. wad am i supposed to do.. pretend nothing happen and not see him. i hope i will feel better by then. give me sumtime i will be okay. although is hard but i know he is jus a passer by in my life. he left. probably after this. i wan to learn to live a SINGLe life. --> " i will face the fact and move on, it's hard but i noe i will pull through.." i wan the rena who carry a million smile back again. i am touched by my many years fren zhihao. although we hardly contact but he take care of me all the while.when i am down, he sms me from taiwan " love yourself like the way i love u, i will find u when i am back" i'm very touched really. he made me stronger each times. i will learn to live better and be a better person in future and i will not make the same mistake i made before. today zhihao back in singapore but he din forget the promise and he sms me! he is busy now , still in his office.. but we will meet up as soon as he is free. i would like to thanks all my frens for stayin by my side all this while -> micole, melissa, eunice, yilong, justin, sarah and zhihao. without u guys i dunno how am i going to pull through this one month. i love u all..
to lixian" although al this things is happening. i wish u all the best. i cant bare to hate u . in fact i also wan the best 4 u, take care.. happy workin in future days to come"
...... rena will be back again .....
nothing to hide no more.'
i called lily=lixian
i talk to her. i ask her " i guess u have already know that i know abt u and andy(eddie)" she say ya.. i told her "although i duno why is all this happening. but since it happen. there is nothing i can do, i jus hope that we can tok things out cause i dun wan to see us like that because of him. i dun wan to see us working together but feel so awkward seeing one another. cause we have to work together in future." i ask her " do u love andy?" she replied " ok la, actually i was jus playing him in the begining becoz he is a bad guy.. and also i wan to get over my ex" i was shocked. i was thinking maybe she said that to make me feel better. but is not working anyway. " i told her, dun scare me with this ans, cause i told andy dun hurt u and i also dun wish u to hurt him too.. anyway i am not here to stop ur relationship w him, jus wan to make sure we have sort thing between u and me cause i have always wanted to work w u that is y i convert to full time. so wadever that had happen i will still send my blessing to u both" she say she kinda feel bad, but now she is happy now. i glad she is now. and i hope things will work well for her, i also tell her abt i found out andy likes her very much.. she ponder but she will understand one day.. cause i see alot of chnges in andy. i told lixian." if he is willin to change for u, and if one day he decide to settle down. he will be a great husband cause he will know how to protect his love ones and i decide to change no so believed she also doesnt wan me to contac andy, so we have decide to keep this among ourselves. i know this is a hard time for me. cause i know whenever i am upset and even tears, maybe they are hugging and kissing happily. so i tell myself i dun wan to tears for this. jus accept the facts and move on. although i always say i will move on.. it's hard for me. cause andy is the who make me dare to love again. after work i went drinking w vivian again. we din drink alot only one jug but is more like singing n stuff.. so beside all this a guy actualli offered me a game of pool. so we played. actually he wanted to sing me a song but it will be too late. so i left.. sumtimes i think abt this relationship. i asked myself. " all my frens ask me to let go and move on, cause i will find a better guy. " but will i get the best endin 4 myself? or shd i jus follow my heart. too late anyway.. too late to turn back. everything is gone.. i guess i wont call him anymore.. maybe no contaction w him, i might get over faster.. i am jus afraid the day if i work w lixian and andy came to fetch her. wad am i supposed to do.. pretend nothing happen and not see him. i hope i will feel better by then. give me sumtime i will be okay. although is hard but i know he is jus a passer by in my life. he left. probably after this. i wan to learn to live a SINGLe life. --> " i will face the fact and move on, it's hard but i noe i will pull through.." i wan the rena who carry a million smile back again. i am touched by my many years fren zhihao. although we hardly contact but he take care of me all the while.when i am down, he sms me from taiwan " love yourself like the way i love u, i will find u when i am back" i'm very touched really. he made me stronger each times. i will learn to live better and be a better person in future and i will not make the same mistake i made before. today zhihao back in singapore but he din forget the promise and he sms me! he is busy now , still in his office.. but we will meet up as soon as he is free. i would like to thanks all my frens for stayin by my side all this while -> micole, melissa, eunice, yilong, justin, sarah and zhihao. without u guys i dunno how am i going to pull through this one month. i love u all..
to lixian" although al this things is happening. i wish u all the best. i cant bare to hate u . in fact i also wan the best 4 u, take care.. happy workin in future days to come"
...... rena will be back again .....